I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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