can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
