i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
