Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
