New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
