he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
