Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
