i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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