And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
