He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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