On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
