i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
