i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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