Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize