So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
