Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
