i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
