im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
