but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
