I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
