Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
