Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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