Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize