Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
