His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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