If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
