he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
