I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
