please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you win again, gameday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
