rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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