I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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