My friends, they love my intelligence
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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