You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
