she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
