Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
