So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
