zippers are such a cool invention
and she was petting her beer can
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
