Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
