he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
