am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
