Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
