gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i've created a new STD.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
