This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
