If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
