I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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