i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
