Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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