Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
