Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize