mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just tell him i said nine months
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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