I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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