Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
