Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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