Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
