my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
