Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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