I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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