oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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