I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
