I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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