Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
