so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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