I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
