Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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