shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had to coat check the pizza.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
