where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
