Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
