I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
