rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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