It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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