don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
