At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
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