Princesses don't give blow jobs
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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